Sometimes I Just Don’t Get It Right

My goal, like every mom, is to be Super Mom. I want the house to be perfect, I want to teach my kids with such a passion that it clicks every time, and I want to handle every stepping stone such grace and so much patience that my children never have to wonder if mom’s going to lose it. Well, folks, it’s not happening. There I said it. Am I a perfect mom? Of course not! Am I a bad mom? Well, I sure hope not! I am simply the best mom I can be 90% of the time.

I know, I know, my kids need me 100% of the time. I know they do. With a child with  special needs, another with an attachment disorder, homeschooling, two grown children who still need me, a toddler I keep to help with the bills, a house, a husband who wants my attention when he’s home, not to mention my fibromyalgia which REALLY weighs me down (gasping for air), it just seems impossible to be on all the time. You know what, though, I think that’s OK.

Don’t get me wrong, I am always looking for room for improvement, but I understand that I can’t be the perfect mom, because she doesn’t exist. I see these moms on some of these blogs and I think, how on earth is she crocheting 10 afghans in a week with 14 homeschooled kids sitting around her perfectly organized home reading quietly, all while fixing gourmet meals three times a day, not including all the extra cooking for every sick neighbor on her block? You not what, though, that can’t be reality all the time. Sure, some moms have it figured out more than others, but life gets messy, kids are kids, and moms are human.

There have been those moments when I am so proud of myself for the way I handle things with my children. I am able to take a step back, take a breathe, and think about what I am going to do or say before I do it. I am then able to react to a situation kindly and with love in my voice and neutralize the situation. I have worked very hard to teach my children mindfulness and I am able to remind them to take their deep breaths, and breath, or as with my daughter, who is three, we say, “blow your bubbles”. (I’ll touch on meditation for kids at another time.) Once the kids do this, we can generally discuss and diffuse the situation at hand. Those moments I would say are the majority.

Then there are moments like the one we had last week. I wasn’t feeling well thanks to my good ol’ fibro friend, or I guess I should say nemesis, and it seemed like the kids had lost their minds. Dillon was whining over his school work and Brookelynn was having a meltdown over who knows what that very second, and honestly, I lost it. I raised my voice to my children and told them to just be quiet for two seconds. I know that may not seem like much to some people, but for me, it’s horrible. I don’t like raising my voice, and I don’t like not being kind to my children. Of course, it made matters worse. My sons feelings were hurt, he withdraws when he gets upset, but my daughter was crushed. She cried and cried and told me she was sorry for making me sad. That made me feel about an inch tall. When I loose my cool, all I can think of is that I’ll never get those moments back. My children know that I love them, and I know that they are deserving of an apology for the way I handled the situation, so we talk about it when things like that happen, and we talk about what we need to do if things get to that point again so that we can all handle it better.

The way I see it, our home has more laughter than tears, so that’s gotta count for something. I’m not a perfect mom and my family isn’t perfect, but we are perfect for each other, and that’s what matters the most. So while I’m always looking to improve, I can rest my head knowing that our good days outweigh our bad, and that’s enough for today.





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